You mentioned that your husband's penis gets hard but that he cannot maintain enough of an erection for intercourse. This actually has nothing to do with the bedroom. My advice here is pretty limited. There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage that never picks up again. I understand her being married 40 years myself. Im tried of trying. iwannatalktosampson Gums that are swollen, painful, or bleed when you brush or floss are likely signs of gum disease. I sure was. You already have the tools for taking care of yourself. Heartfelt, direct, and honest. Consider this foreplay. Ed Araquel/Lionsgate. You mentioned that your husband's penis gets hard but that he cannot maintain enough of an erection for intercourse. If they want to make things better between the both of you to do it! Language links are at the top of the page across from the title. is not an emergency or instant response service. If she has discussed it with him and hes showed no interest in changing his behaviour, then Id vote for getting a therapist and a lawyer, in that order, to help her through the transition. Time to move on, but work pays too little to live on my own. He has been to many doctors, including a urologist, neurologist, orthopedist, you name it. His phone or computer browsing history is always clean.. He is turned-off by normal sexual activity and accuses you of being . This is amazing! plus Whiskey on top of that too! And while you're determining the cause of your partner's ED, you can still be intimate with activities other than intercourse that you both enjoy. Why Are People Gay? These signs of a gay husband are designed as a starting point. Few obvious signs your partner is gay include the following . Something I had ignored for a long time. He paid for the house. Will your husband leave and pay some sort of short term support? im with sampson below- the LW and her husband both have to abide by divorce laws. its hilarious how when everyone is happy the attitude is all whats mine is yours! Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't reach this place of honesty on their own. I can see how that sucks in some cases, imagine if your spouse cheats on you and youre the breadwinner and they still get 50%. Good Luck! So, imagining it as real seriously, this husband of yours has provided 100% financial support for you for 40 years (details are missing here in the letter), and you are still complaining? This coming from someone that did give up large financial stability for happiness. It sounds like you have ruled out many physical factors, in which case it may be useful to consider psychological factors. He talks a lot about gay people in conversation more than is usual. If you leave him, would it be best financially if he continues to work instead of retiring? Is My Husband Gay? Good luck. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. The only way to facilitate change is to actually communicate what you want in life. Signs of a Gay Husband, HealthyPlace. Maybe youll out live him. You have noticed him checking out other men. Thanks for hearing me out and i will get out this Crappy marriage too!!!Lisa. Since you say that you dont want to leave, how about if you get out and do some work for pay for awhile, just part-time. really? He watches porno movies with gay male scenes. you know what bothers me? (2013, April 12). With two deadbeat daughters (well, okay, one at least) and a grand daughter that they had to raise as their own, it seems rather doubtful to me that money is in any great abundance. My husband retired and the only thing he enjoys is TV, and complaining about political stuff, and that is literally it! It might mean getting a part time job, or learning a new skill or hobby. They had a system where shed hide his whiskey and only give it to him a few times a week, and he drank beer from noon until midnight. Signs of a Gay Husband, Parents of Gay Children and the Issues They Face, Gay Teen Issues Online Conference Transcript, Video on the Psychological Effects of Sex Reassignment, Facing Gay Discrimination, Stigma Day After Day, Depression Quotes & Sayings That Capture Life with Depression, Rape Victim Stories: Real Stories of Being Raped. These are signs your spouse is gay and there is no room for further doubts. it doesnt, but all of a sudden when divorce is on the table it matters. trustworthy health. LW, go on a 10 day cruise with your granddaughter WITHOUT your husband. using a penis ring or sex toys. To believe that a 60 year old woman who ostensibly has never worked or had a career can make it on her own is pretty niave. in their lives too. He cant change his behavior if he doesnt know its a problem. In 2019, it was 23.6 percent almost a quarter. You just said no?! Do not nag him. you would be heartbroken. Kaye's checklist includes: 1. Does he have any idea that you are considering leaving him after he gives up his job? Obviously, you cannot change your husband, which Im sure you know after more than 40 years together. Hes selfish and self centered. Estimates as to the number of gay people in the population range from 1-in-20 to 1-in-10, so why are some people gay? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. High cholesterol, which can limit blood flow through the atreries that supply the genital area, can also be associated with erectile dysfunction. You want him to stop being so damned negative. For others, psychological concerns, including stress, anxiety, self-esteem, or fatigue are the source. I cant stand my husband either! Were the other 39 years just as shitty? 7 Possible Reasons Why He Can't Get Hard | HuffPost Women Wendy talks up the ability for a former homemaker to keep her own home, but I seriously doubt thats what the LW was concerned about. Having some information about what your financial future might look like can do a lot to erase that fear. there were a lot of people (men and women) who really tried to raise up the role of a housewife into a very valued, and even sometimes paid, role in society. The penis can't rise without compromise. 2. I stood home and raised 3 children and a grandson who will be leaving for the military next year. When Your Partner Can't Get It Up | Psychology Today and i dont think its weird for one person to say to the other -whichever gender- im fed up, cant stand you anymore, get out, which is essentially what this LW would be saying. theyre not getting their needs met, and yes it IS the job of the wife to meet the needs of her husband and vice versa. Your husband needs to know this. Thats been over 50 years ago. I wasnt suggesting that the LW stay married for money. That makes a big difference because if she could stand him for the first 30 and got a problem with the last 10 my hunch is that its probably more salvageable than if she regretted it from day one. You could make an argument that she could get spousal support if they split, but how many courts are willing to grant support to a woman who leaves of her own accord? From left, Sabrina Wu, Sherry Cola, Stephanie Hsu and Ashley Park in "Joy Ride.". You had your childhood and then your had your many years raising a family (both your children and then your granddaughter) and now its time for your third act. In the meantime, please seek out counseling, and develop a plan. This is your time. Whats got me bothered is that shee been married for 40 years and just NOW she decided she cant stand him. Turns out I didnt, and I stayed a lot longer than I probably should have due to that original fear. Maybe they are very well off and money is not a problem. I feel for this LW. It can be difficult and frustrating for men and their partners to cope with erectile dysfunction, especially when the cause is unclear. Havent left yet because my grown daughters may not understand. if those divorce laws stipulate a 50/50 split what does it matter what she or he did while married? See what happens. However, I urge you to contact an attorney to figure out your financial future. Erectile difficulties can cause feelings of inadequacy in both men and their partners. So, its really, really important to talk this through, and Id suggest doing so before the husband officially retires because he may not be prepared for the kind of financial hit that a divorce entails. American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), Partner can't maintain erection for intercourse, While engaging in other behaviors besides intercourse?. Some men experience erectile dysfunction as a result of physiological factors, including medications that can interfere with sexual response, chronic illness (e.g., heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes), physical disability, alcoholism, drug use, or injury that impedes blood flow to the erectile tissue. He visits gay bars claiming he's there only to hang out with his gay friend(s). This is breaking my heart. This site complies with the HONcode standard for Having sexual attraction to the same sex is no one's fault and likely has been there since birth. His social media contacts are unusual and full of people, or new friends that you dont know how he knows them and many of which are gay. Gay By Choice or Is Being Gay Genetic? Think about that. If he is negative and unhappy, maybe it is because of that, and maybe he doesnt like you too much either? I dont know why Im arguing about this small tiny point but apparently I cant stop. But if youre miserable, and hes miserable (he certainly sounds miserable), then whats the point of continuing? But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, according to Kaye. I will soon be financially able . Scan this QR code to download the app now. Have you discussed all the things you like that don't require an erection? I cant wait to divorce my husband! He admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past. I cant imagine this is a real letter, its shocking. I can't get my husband hard : r/hivaids - Reddit There are sometimes physical causes at play. Which (normally) means 50/50. This letter seems fake to me, mainly because I havent heard the word housewife used seriously in decades, but perhaps thats a regional thing. yep! No fault divorce means no fault. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. Im sure she did. But by that time I had stopped loving him. No vacation goes unpunished. Keep Your Own Head On. It is helpful to recommend she speak to an attorney. think as a woman, if you only got to eat salad for 20 some years how grumpy would that make you? iwannatalktosampson volunteer, find a part-time job, join some clubs, take some classes, go to church, etc.). Being a housewife doesnt mean youre incapable. Also he moved his work schedule to the mid nights so he wouldnt be home with me at night. on the computer he uses, even though he claims he has nothing to do with it. His sexual performance is more mechanical than passionate with a lack of satisfying foreplay. how people advocate getting married as such a highly desirable thing in this country but have no idea what it entails. High blood pressure, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, kidney disease, and . Reasons Your Partner Has Trouble Staying Hard & How to Help At sixty, you could still have twenty, thirty, even forty years ahead of you. Its time to move on and forward, whether thats on your own or with your husband in a relationship that is different than what youve had. Do you have suspicions that make you question Is my husband gay? Maybe you have a mild alarm bell that rings occasionally or noticed a few signs in his behavior that gave you reasons to worry and question his sexual orientation. Partner can't maintain erection for intercourse | Go Ask Alice! I was just being realistic that its likely she will have a tough financial future if she strikes out on her own. Although he can get hard, he cannot maintain enough for intercourse. if you enter into a marriage that is a 50/50 no fault situation should divorce happen (and *everyone* should know what kind of divorce situation a potential marriage could become), then you enter into a 50/50 no fault divorce situation- for the duration of the marriage, not for just when its happy. Has it ever been addressed? But, of course, this is not true. Would you be willing to stay if your husband and/or relationship changed? we are so happy and in love and we share everything legally now yayyy! Enjoy life with your friends, grandchildren and whatever your interested in. There are 2 sides to every story. multiple sclerosis (MS) liver or kidney disease. if they have conflicting sexual feelings. Or maybe just the idea of retirement has been so scary or nerve-wracking that, once its over, he will begin to calm down. He makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations. Unless there is violates, hitting and no sex anymore. i read a whole book about food history in america, and the changing roles of a housewife was obviously a big impact to the way we ate at home. trying role-play or foreplay to increase arousal. I want to look her up now. I suppose I should have left, he would never have cared, or noticed. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . At first sex was kinda OK, but after a few years he got bore on how we did sex. Saying I cant stand you anymore, so go live somewhere else while I stay in this house you paid for and, no, Im not minimizing the important role of a housewife, but he DID technically pay the money for it is unfair, in my opinion. He might even appear to be homophobic and make a lot of comments about gay people in a derogatory manner. Of course, some of these examples can indicate other situations or problems in a marriage, or even just the usual practices of a slightly effeminate straight male. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Its highly unlikely that, if your partner is straight, he would want to put his picture and information on a gay dating site. Whatever you are comfortable with. 'No Hard Feelings' and 'Joy Ride' Bring Back the Sex Comedy, With a Good luck to you! Can you stay with one of your daughters temporarily? He tells you about sexual abuse in his childhood/adolescence. Tell him so. He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours. The last point is one of the glaring signs that your husband is gay. Introduced that same week at SXSW, the scrappy lower-budget "Bottoms" (in theaters . Im impressed. If you are in an urgent situation, pleasevisit our Emergency page to view a list of 24 hour support services and hotlines. To be honest, if someone was displeased with their partner for decades and never said anything about it, that would imply to me that they didnt really care about the relationship either. Researchers believe that for many men erectile dysfunction is caused by a combination of physical, psychological, and cultural factors. Maybe he feels used and unappreciated? Way to compromise and empathetic to the other 50% of the marriage. I was trying to make the point that that the LW would likely have a very difficult financial future ahead. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the gay husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved. The answer you entered for the CAPTCHA was not correct. I make my own rules up as I go. If you find yourself in that situation, you will have to decide what you would like to do. He may even go so far as . A majority of the country thinks that at least 20 percent of Americans at least one in five of us are gay or lesbian. If your husband does admit that he is gay, its important to remember that he didnt choose this life to hurt you. Nor is it fair to your children or granddaughter. Middle-Age Erection Changes: What Couples Need to Know He may not. If you notice that your husband struggles with getting interested in or engaging in sex in addition to some of the other signs discussed here, it may be possible that your suspicion is correct. Hes a mental abuser Ted Bundy level. You find pop-ups of gay pornography on the computer while he claims they are not his. So, my advice is at this age you dont need a divorce, just stay married and go away. I wouldnt expect the change to occur quickly, or necessarily at all. Keeping that in mind, you may experience a sense of loss and heartache which youll need to process, but perhaps you could seek out some help and support or counseling to help you navigate this situation together, in love and kindness. This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions. His browsing history may give you a clear picture and can be one of the many signs your husband is gay. Not that LW should stand a bad temper but she might want to put more effort into this marriage than typical facepalm friday MOAs. But often, when people experience a big life change and retirement is certainly among the . That didnt end nice he told me the hell with you well and he decided he didnt want any thing to do with me. He visits gay bars frequently even though he will claim that hes just there to socialize with his gay friends. it was super interesting! so honestly who cares who moves out where, when? Youre too young to be resigned to a life and partnership that leaves you so unhappy. Example: my grandpa hid his own emphysema and cancer diagnoses from the family because he didnt want anyone to know, and he figured he wouldnt be around much longer and didnt want to waste the money on himself to try to make things better. on 2023, July 1 from https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/gay/is-my-husband-gay-signs-of-a-gay-husband, The ways to self-harm are numerous. Researchers believe that for many men erectile dysfunction is caused by a combination of physical, psychological, and cultural factors. Had we known he already had a diagnosis, we wouldnt have pushed so hard for the medical advice, and might have tried convincing him to cut back on his cigarettes and beer and put more effort into therapies that might have helped him. Site last updated July 1, 2023, How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Develop a game planeither to stay or to go, and weigh all of your options. here. 2023 HealthyPlace Inc. All Rights Reserved. Cmon! This is one of my favorite responses youve ever done Wendy. Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work? If you can live in a marriage where you are sure that your husband might be gay, some personal counseling might help you work through this so that you can find the right way forward for you. Make it count. Are they gay by choice or is being gay genetic? My grandpa was a difficult man to deal with at times, and my grandma stuck by him through it all until his death. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. I would be here for days if I told you all the shit I put up with. Cant find information on the site about your health concern or issue? However, you absolutely must know your financial situation and have a plan for your financial future post divorce. I remember being afraid to leave my first husband because I thought I needed him to survive financially. He is turned-off by normal sexual activity and accuses you of being oversexed, aggressive, or a nymphomaniac when you have normal sexual needs. If you have had any notion at all that this is a possibility, it might help you to know these 6 signs that may suggest that your husband is gay. Just about any medical condition that affects your nerves or blood vessels could hurt your ability to have erections. His ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men. . To afraid to be alone, youre a mirror image of myself, 41 years, kids grown , no love, my hubby had big anger issues 11 years ago found out he had sugar type 1, after getting him on meds he was nicer. Often, couples counseling and/or sex therapy (as a couple or individual) can identify factors related to ED, help with communication, and improve sex for both partners. Is My Husband Gay? If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at we***@de*******.com. Sure we have be married 37 years but there is no affection or anything at all !!! At this point, it is important to be supportive and understanding of the situation and of one another. He says he is having a "mid-life crisis" and becomes moody and depressed. Most middle-aged men don't have erectile dysfunction, but erections change. Whether it's your girlfriend or your wife, this top ten. Everything still gets split equitably. But there cheating doesnt matter. He probably hasnt had sex , or much of it in years. He erases the computer history on a regular basis. If it turns out that a husband is, in fact, gay, the fallout can be difficult to deal with, particularly for the straight partner. But it is possible for him to change, especially now that he's retiring. Plus to recommend someone stay married for money is just as icky as to encourage someone to marry for money. If the husband is honest with both you and with himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Do you show your husband that you appreciate him and what he does? And yet there IS a lot of negativity in this letter. When you are locked in place by mights, which you arent even willing to explore, you are grasping for excuses to do nothing. My default method is to just throw some solvent at it. Issues concerning sexual desire alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. The wife may experience:2, And the wife may wonder if anything was real about the partner she thought she knew so well. He seems to relish compliments from gay men.
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